Politics Or Mardi Gras?

I honestly dont want to discuss either one. I live in the south and Mardi Gras is well...EVERYTHING. I also live in America so politics is EVEN MORE THAN EVERYTHING right now. Both are getting quite old. Hey, I am tired.

The day did not hold much excitment. Rob was a crab ass due to having no job. I just am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. We are not going to lose the house, we are not going to have to apply for food stamps, and the baby is not going to go hungry. That is a lot more than most people. So my thinking? OK so he has time to bond with the baby and myself before I go back to work and he finds work. His idea? Lets be an ass all day and pout. Middle ground? Nope, I gave up. As I type the baby is laying on the bed with him as he pointlessly flips through the channels. OK male bonding, I guess that counts.

I on the otherhand think I may be developing a kidney infection now. My lower back hurts and in a different way than it hurt ALL THROUGH THE PREGNANCY. So I am guessing my pharmacy in the bathroom is going to get even bigger. Hey Rob could always sell my drugs....OK bad idea.

Oh a New Day...

Pretty good night last night. Hanky only woke up twice. (I think) He is eating 3 ounces at a shot now and in exactly 2 hours he will be a month old. I cannot believe it. Kind of makes me sad...but not too sad to want to do it all over again just yet..or ever!
I do the feedings at regular times during the day. I was doing the 10am feeding/changing and did not get to my cell phone. When I got to it, there was a voicemail. OK cool....called it back: "Hey, I think you need to call me, I just got fired" OH HOLY GOD. Yep, Hubby got fired today for asking for a raise. Lovely ethics in the South here. So um, yeah, I am on maternity leave for another 4 weeks, and Rob lost his job. Factor in a house we have only lived in for 6 months and a month old baby and here we are.
And the nerves continue.....

Yes We Are Here...Doing Better..Sorta, Kinda

Henry is doing Fabulous. He is really a good baby. Not that I have many babies to compare him to but as a first time mom I think he is pretty damn good.
On the postpartum note. Things have turned more to an anxiety prone factor versus depression. And no the anxiety has NOTHING to do with the baby...that is the kicker. The anxiety has to do with my job. I really should not and will not go into vast details of my anxiety and the job though I wish I could because dammit it is making me nuts. OK...it is the prospect that I WILL NOT have a job. The "Your fired" factor. I have 4 more weeks of maternity leave though so I guess I should just ignore work all together, right? God that sounds so damn easy. For inquiring minds, I am teacher (special education). I graduated a year ago so I am a FIRST YEAR teacher at that. Yeah the pregnancy planning didn't happen at the best of time....but it is a long story and I will just try and make it.....without going insane.
But we are doing better than we were. I no longer have the impending feeling that I should have never had a baby. Sure I am tired, and there are nights that God I just want to turn over and go back to sleep, but we are making it. With shaky hands and racing thoughts (work) making it. Sorta...Kinda....