Just a random post....mindlings

I just dont get it. I have this depression this outlook of despair and sadness when everything in the world should make me the happiest woman alive. A husband who loves me, a house which is beautiful, a brand new baby, money in the checking account....yet I think of things and just want to cry. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that my career as a pregnant woman is over. And it makes me sad that Hanky Joe will not always be my baby. Yet he will. I should be savoring every moment of my time with him, but when I feel so badly it is hard and then that puts guilt onto myself and I even feel worse. My doctor says 70% of all women go through this after having a baby....why on earth couldnt I be one of the 30%? Just isnt fair, but they say life never is..it is part of living.
Henry is doing well though. He had his first "sink" bath today. Mammy came up and helped out. God Bless Mammy....we couldnt have gotten through this without her. Any of it...from the moment I found out I was pregnant to this point in time would have been a tradegy without her. I love you mom.
We go to the doctors tomorrow. BOTH are McHotties (love you Beth). I lucked out with my OB doctor who is just well....so appealling to the eye. THEN I randomly picked a peditrician and whoa did we pick one. He is eye candy and an MD. With a nice big wedding ring on....lol. I love you Robert (my husband and soulmate). My OB has me on a bunch of meds for postpartum depression they seem to work one minute and I want to up the dosages thrice some at other times. My poor husband. He has to deal with my mania hormonal rantings while pregnant and now this. God bless this man.
Enough for now, more tomorrow!

I now present....

HENRY JOSEPH KELLY

How is it possible to feel like shit when I have a child who is as beautiful as this? I am convinced the universe has it in for me.

Just make it stop...

It just baffles me. How depressed and horrible I felt because I didn't have a baby. And I thought I would never have one. Now I have a beautiful child and I have these feelings that I don't even want him. I cry, I don't eat, I cry some more. I cry over so many different things. For example: not being pregnant anymore, not going to have any more children (we had made that decision long ago), the fact that daddy didn't get to cut the umbilical cord (had an emergency c-section and was bleeding out too bad), the fact that I was a bitch to my husband when he bought me things during labor.....hell I cry that I cannot sleep anymore, I cry that I don't feel like I have a life, I cry because I go back to work in March and will have to leave my baby. This is nuts, I am on medicine now but PLEASE for the love of God make these feelings go away.

Here You Are!

Henry Joseph Kelly arrived January 7, 2008 via emergency c-section at 9:24pm. He weighed 7 pounds 3 ounces and was 20 inches long.
I really thought everything would be heavenly upon his arrival but I am finding myself utterly depressed. I cry for stupid ass reasons and just feel like hell. The c-section was a bitch and recovery is going to be tough, but it is mentally that I want to heal more than anything. I think about things and cry and it is pitiful. I am going to give it a few more days until I talk to my dr. about it. Going to go have my staples removed on Tuesday we will see how we are doing then.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Well, the boy didn't grace us last night. And today he has the hiccups which is rather an annoying feeling. Also causing Momma to have anxiety attacks today. Why?

• Am I really ready to be a mom?
• Are we financially stable enough to have a baby?
• Is Rob really happy about this child?
• Am I just INSANE?

OK so I am scared. Scared for a million and one reasons. I am told "it is hormonal" and "it is perfectly normal" and "everyone goes through this at the end." OK fine well make it stop already! I am tired, and uncomfortable and my whole body hurts in weird ways. Hanky Joe, ya need to come out boy. And for god sakes hold your breath, the whole pop corn popping feeling in momma's belly is not cool (especially since I just ate). Another thing...Henry,could you please tell me what you are doing that is causing me to have cramps low in my stomach? Was I wrong? Feels like I am going to start my period...yet there you are hiccup-ing away.

So you aren't the first baby of the New Year in Alabama...some baby named Bryce was born last night in Mobile. Your daddy says you should just stay in there another year so we get free diapers and other "crap" all year long. Do me a favor and this will probably not be the last time I say this "DO NOT LISTEN TO YOU FATHER!" Well your mom's butt is asleep again so I must get up. Hope you are enjoying it in there...it is a bitch out here!