I just dont get it. I have this depression this outlook of despair and sadness when everything in the world should make me the happiest woman alive. A husband who loves me, a house which is beautiful, a brand new baby, money in the checking account....yet I think of things and just want to cry. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that my career as a pregnant woman is over. And it makes me sad that Hanky Joe will not always be my baby. Yet he will. I should be savoring every moment of my time with him, but when I feel so badly it is hard and then that puts guilt onto myself and I even feel worse. My doctor says 70% of all women go through this after having a baby....why on earth couldnt I be one of the 30%? Just isnt fair, but they say life never is..it is part of living.
Henry is doing well though. He had his first "sink" bath today. Mammy came up and helped out. God Bless Mammy....we couldnt have gotten through this without her. Any of it...from the moment I found out I was pregnant to this point in time would have been a tradegy without her. I love you mom.
We go to the doctors tomorrow. BOTH are McHotties (love you Beth). I lucked out with my OB doctor who is just well....so appealling to the eye. THEN I randomly picked a peditrician and whoa did we pick one. He is eye candy and an MD. With a nice big wedding ring on....lol. I love you Robert (my husband and soulmate). My OB has me on a bunch of meds for postpartum depression they seem to work one minute and I want to up the dosages thrice some at other times. My poor husband. He has to deal with my mania hormonal rantings while pregnant and now this. God bless this man.
Enough for now, more tomorrow!
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3 comments:
I hope you feel better soon you are missing out on a very precious time in your life and Henry's.
Oh sweetie I know what you're feeling. I went through post-partum depression two years ago w/ little bear. At times I was convinced that he (my own baby) he hated me. And he was colicky. My mistake was I never told my doctors about my feeling or the pedi about little bears colic. I just suffered silently.
You're going to be okay, it'll just take some time. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's not you thinking and feeling and acting this way -it's the hormones and depression raging through. Be proud of yourself because you've taken steps to correct it. I can't tell you how my family must have suffered while I went through that and I never did anything to correct the problem. You can be proud of yourself. It WILL take time for your hormones to readjust -plus you're probably sleep deprived right now. Give it time. It is not hopeless nor is it endless. With the steps you've taken you'll be better in no time. E-mail me if you need to talk.
Oh I was so there with you two and a half years ago WHILE PREGNANT with Lady. It was a horrendous time. Hormones can be terrible terrible things to sort out.
I second what Lisa said, you're definitely not alone in feeling like this at all. It can be really hard when you think everything should be magic and bliss and it's just, not. Focus on yourself and getting to a better place.
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